my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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