last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
