You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
