Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
