you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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