Already got asked if we're dating
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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