You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
