i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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