eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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