She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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