Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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