You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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