At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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