At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
