positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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