There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
