i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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