Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
