TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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