Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
