Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
