i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
