Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
