Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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