You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
