he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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