for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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