Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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