I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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