i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
