how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
