You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
