I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
