ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
