I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
