UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize