I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize