Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
