so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
