I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
