Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
