I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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