btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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