you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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