I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
