I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
