Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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