We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
