Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
