Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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