in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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