one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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