You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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