I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
