i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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