We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
