Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
