Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
