Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
