I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
