he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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