Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
