I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
