Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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