Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
