This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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