So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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