I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
