Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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