What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
