imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
