I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
