Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
