Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
