Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm passing your future prison.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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