I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
