I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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