So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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