I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
