I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
