she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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