If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
