He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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