I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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