Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
