I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
