I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i believe in u and ur pee
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
