How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's shark week go big or go home
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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